Duane: Are you tired?
William: No, my limbs are just feeble.

Getting ready for company: Why do we always have to be presentable?!

I wish Mikey was more like me. I wish he’d obey more.

I’m so glad we always have something on the grill or in the oven or on the stove. We have what we need and we can be grateful.

I don’t need women in my life right now. I’m playing the waiting game.

William sneezes in the living room.
Dad continues working in the kitchen without a word.
William: What, no blessing?!

Erika prayed for William as she does every bedtime.
Michael: “just a second. I’ve got a quick prayer. ‘God, please let us have a snow day. I don’t want to go to school."”

Duane: Stop playing with that water balloon in the house.
William: If it breaks I’ll clean it up. Besides, it’s just like the dog’s pee, but it’s not gross.

Cleaning baseboards is the bane of my existence.

Duane: Are you going to play soccer this year?
William: Yes, because obviously the US team needs help.

Can you tell Daddy thank you for taking us on an amazing vacation?

William, on the trip home from Mexico: Well, I guess we’re back with the gringos!

To Duane: I like that when I pressure you, you know what to do to help me. (Regarding not spending his money unwisely)

Going to bed is a nightmare and getting up in the morning is a nightmare, too. I’m drowning in comfort in my bed.

I have three symptoms of a cold: cough, sore throat and general misery.

Erika: William, you’d better take a shower, or else.
William the Actuary: Or else, what?

Erika: How do you spell coffee?
William: How do you not know how to spell coffee?!

What do camel humps store? (The answer is “fat” not “water.”)

William makes tiny pancakes, puts them in a bowl and calls them “pancake cereal.”

I was doubly blessed. I have a good dad and a good mom…and a teensy bit with Michael.

A sermon from Exodus 19 and included this verse: “And he said to the people, “Be ready for the third day; do not go near a woman.”
William: How far away would they have to stay from a woman?

If I’m poor, I’m not just going to marry a rich person. I want to marry someone who is nice.

Don’t worry about having a Lamborghini because it’s not about fashion, it’s about surviving.

I want to be poor and rich because if you’re poor there is less chance someone will rob you but you’ll have less chances of surviving because you won’t have much food. But if you’re rich you’ll have a higher chance someone will rob you, but you’ll have a better chance surviving because you’ll have enough food. So I’m glad we’re in between.

You know what I like about us? We’re not poor and we’re not rich. We’re in between.

Duane, whispering during worship: Isn’t it neat that it really is His breath in our lungs?
William, whispering back: Dad, do they have seasons of SpongeBob on DVD?

The trick to flipping a pancake in a pan is to watch the trajectory of the pancake and put the pan right under it.

Am I going to be one of those kids that never goes to Disneyland?

Michael, to Erika: Thanks for giving birth to me.
William: Yeah, thanks for not killing us.

Last night I learned how to snore!

Sometimes, do what your wife wants. And then you’ll never divorce.

Duane: William, do you know what this (Lord’s supper elements) represents?
William: The blood and skin of Jesus.

Duane: Jesus created everything.
William: It’s like Jesus and God are the same.
Duane: Yes, just like that.

I want to get baptized because I want to show people that I believe in Jesus.

7 year old breakfast review: I’m a vacuum with bacon.

Duane: Why are you getting more milk, what about the milk you had earlier?
William: It’s bad now. It’s been out like 40 minutes.

I think I’ve cheated the system. (finding a way to take out the garbage with a string tied to his ankle.)

If I could only have all boys or all girls, I’d choose girls. Because they are soft and don’t scream all the time and don’t slap each other.

Praying at breakfast: Help me not to be stressed so much.

After reading Esther 7: Haman became Mordecai.

Duane: Tomorrow we’ll have our first female vice president.
William: Really? Will we ever have a female president?
Duane: Probably.
William: It’ll probably take a long time.

William (sad as he misses some good friends): “I miss the old days.”

Duane: Did I send enough money for your school lunch?
William: Actually, it was free.
Duane: So where’s my money?
William: I was very generous and gave it to my teachers.

If a family member dies, I’ll bury them in the back yard. And if I kill someone, I’ll do the same thing.

William’s schoolwork requires him to describe a potion he would concoct and what it would do: I wish I could make a potion that would cure coronavirus.
Erika: Why? William: Because it would warm my heart.

I’m taking the day off from school tomorrow.

Duane: Are you gonna eat the rest of this donut or just the sprinkles?
William: It’s too sweet.
Duane: Too sweet? When has anything been too sweet for you?
William: Dad, I’m 6.

Duane: We don’t need knives for our meal.
William: We need them to scrumble the chicken.

I’ve been waiting for my birthday for years.

You’re the best dad I ever had.

William: Did you get bit by the mosquitoes in Mexico?
Duane: No. Maybe they don’t like my skin.
William: Yeah, they don’t like soggy skin.

William: Dad, you’re like my teacher.
Duane: How am I like your teacher?
William: You’re so strict.

William was doing cursive homework and asked mom to finish the last line of lower case “i”.
He said, “Let’s trick the teacher.”
This month’s character trait at James Irwin Elementary is truthfulness. We have work to do.

William, what’s a girlfriend?
She’s your friend, and she LOVES YA!

William: Why did you tell?
Michael: We always tell the truth.
William: Only when you’re being bad!

William remarked that his game was charged “full percent”.

Dad, this used to be someone else’s house. (It’s a hotel)

William won the game he invented with 100 billion seventeen points.
His Aunt Elsa came in second place with 39 billion hundred eight points.
Cousin Sam came in last place with just 3 points because he needed to do something (we’re not sure what) faster.

Something’s sparkly in my tootsies.

The sky is pretending to snow. (fog)

What happens to us when we die in real life?

When someone discovered the plastic infant in the Epiphany cake William said, “Put baby Jesus back!”

Did you know that you don’t have to eat on the weekends? I just noticed that.

Some days are stupid and some days are great. Today is great because you bought me ice cream.

My cough wants me to play my video game.

When asked to put out the trash: My hands don’t work.

Look at these beans. They make you fart, right?

The down one is a bath. The up one is a shower.

Putting crumbs on his pizza: I peppered it with sprinkers.

Incredulous after knocking down a knick-knack: It didn’t break!

If you have blue eyes you’re so sad. And if you have brown eyes you’re so sorry.

William interrupted a kiss confidently asserting his position between mom and dad.
Duane: Hey, remember your place, mister.
William: It’s here in the middle.

William: Daddy, can I have soda?
Duane: You can have a little at lunch.
William: But the TV said we should have Coke.
Duane: But we don’t just do what the TV says.
William: Yes we do. We do what the TV and parents say.

Why is the doggie ruffing at us?

The fish are slimery.

It was mud but now it’s mudder.

William wanted what his friend had for lunch. His prayer before eating: Thank you for this food. Help [friend] to bring me some Spaghetti-O’s.

Michael: William is King today.
William: Since I am your majesty, I can eat as much as I want.
Erika: Here, your majesty, eat more pancakes.

On a scale of 1 to 10, I like it.

Do you like my scrubbaly hair? Scrubbaly is when your hair hasn’t fully dried in the back after a bath.

I went into a lake where there was no snakes and no squids and no kathulu and no pauper fish and no octopus and no sectopus.

I’m from another planet. I really want to go to the Moon.

Erika: Who put this on the chair?
William: Maybe an invisible thing that I never saw before.

Look at that squirrel. He’s dressed for work.

These eggs taste like chicken.

Erika: William, are you cute?
William: No I’m not. I got bigger.

William: The pods are aliens. If you open them they will wake up.

William spilled his drink, a very common occurrence for him and his daddy scolded him for it.
With a refilled cup and his Sunday school craft in his hand he asked, “Daddy, what does this say?”
Daddy: “Jesus loves you.”
William: “And it says, ‘Jesus loves you even if you spill your drink. It’s okay."”

Help that Mommy is a good mommy and that she buys lollipops for us. Help that we went to the store but there were no popsicles so she bought us cookies. Amen

William (jumping as high as he can): Mom, look how big I got!

I’m super fast because I got bit by the Flash.

William, telling a story to Uncle Jer: And then you know what happened?
Uncle Jer: What?
William: Think about it

Duane: Why are there Lego guys in the chips?
William: They thought it was water.

Duane: What’s this on your leg? (pointing to a drawing with marker)
William: It’s a guy.
Duane: How did it get there?
William: I drew him. But Abuelo washed him off. That’s why I got mad at him. So I’m going to draw another one.

I don’t like circle rice (quinoa).

I like the girls. I want to have a girlfriend so I can marry her.

Dad, do you like being home now? I like to be in my own brown house. I was getting tired going everywhere. (After a 6,000 mile trip to and from New York state.)

Are we going to William’s World? Did we leave Grandma’s World? Grandma’s World is back there right? And William’s World is in front of us, right? (Near the end of a 6,000 mile trip to and from New York state.)

Grandpa: I’m going potty.
William: I gotta go potty! First me and then you.
Later…: Grandpa, I’m done. Come in here and go pee-pee.

William prayed at breakfast, “Help Daddy to still be in love with Mommy.”

William said he wanted to marry his mom.
When we explained he would marry someone outside of the family, he quickly responded that he would marry his little friend.

William announced he was in love and assured us he is ready to have a girlfriend.
Duane: What 2 things do you need before you can get married?
William: A job and life insurance
(The life insurance was suggested by the father of a little friend after we witnessed William kiss her on the lips.)

Erika: It’s my birthday.
William: Can you invite me?

Duane: You have to sleep. It’s 10:15.
William: It’s not o’clock. Those are not numbers. (The clock has Roman numerals.)

I slapped the spider with a shoe and then there was bugness on the shoe.

William: I’m so proud of you, Dad.
Duane: Why?
William: Because you let me have a drink.

William: I’m not going to kiss you.
Duane: Why?
William: Because you don’t give me everything I want.

William, dangerously descending from the top bunk: “I got God’s courage.”

Daddy, can you help me grab one [mealworms for the gecko]? They’re super wiggly. Mommy, do you want to pet him?”

Duane: Do you like your chicken?
William: Yes. It tastes like chicken.

“I’m gonna be careful.” just before leaping from the arm of the sofa.

William, reading a kid’s encyclopedia: Daddy, look, a tornado.
Duane (dismissingly): Sweet!
William: Tornadoes aren’t sweet, they’re bad.

Look, a worm. Worms are created by mud.

When you do a Spider-Man drawing then you have to watch a movie. That’s what God said.

Oh, look, it says here I’ve purchased “How Dogs Love Us: A Neuroscientist and His Adopted Dog Decode the Canine Brain” on our Kindle. WILLIAM!!!!!

William: Daddy, open up.
Duane: Just open the door.
William: I can’t. I have bubbles.
[Duane opens the door.]
William: Special delivery!

“Daddy, where are the boogey papers?” We assume he means tissues.

Duane: I need to get gas in this car.
William: Mommy needs gas in her car too, so she can go faster.

Duane: Hurry and eat [your French toast and syrup] so it doesn’t get soggy.
William: Food doesn’t get soggy. Only cereal.

Duane leaned over the back of the couch to kiss Erika.
William said it was a Spider-Man kiss, referring to a scene in the movie.

William: “Give her a slobbery kiss.” [opens his mouth to demonstrate]

William, sitting on the couch with his ‘frozen’ brother: Mom, I have an emergency.
Erika: ‘What’s your emergency?
William: Mikey’s dead.

Duane: Sleep! Holy cow!
William: Was I talking too much?

William (in a whispered bedtime confession): “Dad, I’m not the real Spider-Man. Peter Parker is the real Spider-Man.”

Erika: Don’t pay attention to him. You know who you are.
William: I’m William. I’m Spider-Man.

We couldn’t find William anywhere. Finally, he came out from under the bed.
When asked why he was there he said, “I’m concentrating and writing spooky stories under the bed with my flashlight!”

Wanna smell my foots? Is it so stinky?

From a little friend: “I’m going to marry William so I can kiss him.”

William: I was so freakin’ mad.
Erika: You don’t say ‘freakin’.
William: But I was freakin’ out and I was mad.

Duane: William, choose a color of paper for me.
William: The color of pee!

While vacuuming: “Let me do it. It’s my job.”

William: Can you buy a belt for me? There’s holes in my pants for a belt.
Duane: Yes, I’ll buy you a belt.
William: Can you buy me a phone?

Jesus gives us hope, courage and direction so we don’t have to be afraid of ‘funder’. (thunder)

Sam, you’re the best cousin ever. Sam is super special to me.

Can I read my Bible, ‘cuz Mikey’s reading his.

Daddy, in the weather report are funder and lightning like brothers?

William: Dad, smell my fahhht.
Duane: I don’t want to smell your fahhht!
William: Hurry before it gets soggy.

Oh my gosh! I died with all my life!

I don’t want to change. I want to be naked. I’ll be right back.
(Runs back and forth through the hall screaming) Naked time! Naked time!

“Dad, there’s spiders on my bonky.” (Translation: “My forehead itches.”)

William: Daddy, I want to run from Mom.
Duane: You don’t need to run. You need to obey.
William: But I want to run!

Michael: Do you know what H²O means?
William: It means “God”. (This is because the answer to the previous question, “Who loves you most?” was “God”.)

I just got a home in run!

Dad, I like your beard. It’s so scratchy.

God, help me I had a birthday party and I got to play with my friends.

I’m not afraid of the monsters in the closets. Jesus is with me and he’ll punch the monsters.

I don’t want to sleep so much. Food makes me hungry.

William: Dad, where are we going?
Duane: Home.
William: I want to go to Tia’s house. Benji’s gonna be sad at me.

Duane: Were you two fighting? Aren’t you friends?
William: No!
Friend: Not at all!

William: Roar!
Friend: No!
William: I wasn’t roaring you. I was roaring the monster.
Friend: I don’t like monsters.
William. I like monsters. I will punch them and kill them and shoot them and throw them to the giant.

Erika: Did you bring this box of toys?
William: No. It’s heavy.

Duane: What do you want for breakfast?
William: Popsicles

Erika: What are you grateful for?
William: “flowers and Grandma

Smell my armpit of doom.

Duane: William, are you going to drink this milk or am I going to throw it away?
William: Throw it away.
Duane: No, we’re not going to throw away milk. That was a rhetorical question.

Meadow [dog], let me ride on you.
Daddy, Meadow won’t let me ride on her.

No going in my room, Abuelo. It’s MY room. You go into your room. Don’t go in my room. There’s a dinosaur in there.

Dear Jesus, thank you for this food, and that dog is crazy. She jumped over the fence. That dog!!! In Jesus’ name, amen.

Daddy, watch me do a flump flip!” (front flip)

[Coughs.] “Mom, can you give me medicine? I’m gonna get a cough and I’m gonna get croupy.

We’re not gonna plant Haddie in the dirt tomorrow. That would be too messy.

My eyes, my ears, my nose, my bonky (forehead)…

Mildly frustrated that Michael accidentally knocked over his pillow “castle”: “I’m gonna go punch Mikey in the face.

William: I’m gonna get my superhero powers and jump so high.
Erika: Are you going to leave me?
William: “I’m gonna jump up high and then I’m gonna come find you in your house.

William and the ‘nasals’ challenge: Ciminim (cinnamon) Nakim (napkin) Nummy (money)

Erika: What are you grateful for, William?
William: Gramma.

Duane: William, you want me to make you some breakfast?
William: I want some rice and beans. And some sugar.

Daddy, come see the grapes and strawberries on my underwear! Thankfully this was just about Fruit of the Looms.

Daddy, pray for the park and we go potty.
Okay.
And pray for the trampoline.
Okay.
And pray for Haddie that fell on the couch.

William: “Mommy, come here!
Erika: “I’m talking to your father.
William: “No, he’s my father.

Daddy, don’t spank Mikey, he’s my friend. Don’t ‘splain him. Don’t ‘splain him.

Duane: Who loves you?
William: Mommy and Daddy and Mikey and Gramma and Grampa and Unca Jer and Tyler and Hannah and Mr. Matt and Mrs. Tally and Alex and Brook-a-lyn and Brook-a-lyn’s mom and daddy’s daddy and daddy’s mommy.

Mommy, I love sho-ahts (shorts).

Duane: You got a spanking for getting your shoes when I said no, right?
William: But let me talk about it. (We think this means, “Let me explain.”)

Her runned away like a… banana!

Mikey, I’m sorry you’re sad. But crying isn’t going to help. Crying won’t solve the ploblem.

Erika: We’re going to eat enchiladas.
William: I don’t like chinchadas.

William on the phone: I miss you, Daddy. But you’re coming home soon. I love you. When you come home, you want a snack?

William: Mommy, can you read this? I don’t how to read.

After spraying the TV with water Erika told William he was going to get a spanking.
William: A big one?
Erika: Yes.
William: Like daddy’s spanking? He’s probably referring to the spanking he got when he ignored our warning not to walk on the newly laid tile. This kid is different from our firstborn!

William came out from the bathroom and said, “Nuffing, nuffing. I didn’t do nuffing with toothpaste.” (You may have already guessed that he had indeed done something with toothpaste in the bathroom.)

You’re the best ever, Mom.

Listening to Cranberries on the way home from church Sunday when William says, ‘I like zombies. They’re funny. Hehehe.’

William: I want to go to Uncle Jer’s house.
Duane: Uncle Jer is coming to our house!
William: I want to go to Grampa and Gramma and Jilly’s house!

Last night sleep-talking William: Chuck E. Cheese…
This morning sleep-talking William: bouncy, bouncy

After we separated on the road in two vehicles William said, ‘We lost you forever.’

William: I want a dog. There’s no dog here!

To his female playmate: You’re cute.

William: Why are you crying, Michael?
Michael: Because I’m going to miss Grandma and Grandpa.
William: Don’t cry. It’ll be fine.

Duane: Are we going to see Gramma and Grampa?
William: No. We’re going up to New York. (That’s where Gramma and Grampa live.)

William in the rocking chair at the library: Oh my gosh. I’m gonna fall. And break my neck.

Jesus, thank you for this food. I jump on the trampoline. We get a touchdown. Amen.

I superheeyo. I save the day!

Daddy, scoot over. I’m gonna spank your butt.

Duane: William, pick up your pants.
William: (throwing up his hands in frustration) Oh my goodness!

Daddy, no! Don’t go to work!

See the moon!? Can I have it? In my mouth?

Mommy, take a nap with blanket.

Keem up. (Clean up.)

Mack you in the butt!

After running away from Daddy: just kidding

Vanamos” (like saying, “Get’s lo” in English)

Rain, rain, go away, en el cielo, en el mar…